Today is THE DAY

I hope today is THE DAY. I hope it is the day that I can turn things around. I wasn’t ever supposed to be the single mother, just barely surviving. Barely feeding my children, unable to buy them the things that they need let alone the things that I want them to have. I make daily decisions on whether to pay bills or eat. I know many other Americans are facing this same situation, but it wasn’t supposed to happen to me.

I am a college graduate. I have a Master’s degree in Education. Why am I answering phones at an insurance company for $29,000.00 a year, lousy benefits, and a bunch of illiterates telling me what I can’t do while I’m chained to the desk all day; how I forgot to ask the customer who just had me process 50 different transactions if there was anything else that I could assist them with; and how if I continue to come back from my half an hour lunch 2 minutes late that I may be asked to turn in my badge and walked out the door. There was a time when if I felt mistreated at work, I would take off for about three days just to let my employer know how it would feel to lose an employee as great as me. Now, I keep my mouth shut and pray for God to deliver me from this mess.

This is not the life I envisioned when I took that infamous walk in the blue and gold cap and gown. I’m sure this is not the life my mother envisioned for me when she hugged me and cried for 10 whole minutes and said, “My baby, we did it.” How did I get here? I went from having a nice cushy job with one of the major Wall Street players to having no job, pregnant, and on the brink of divorce. I thought I would live off of my severance until the baby was born and then get a job close to home. Well, there were no good paying jobs close to home and they were definitely not cushy. So I jumped from job, to job, to job, to job never making enough money to meet the needs of the family. Where was the husband? Planning his escape from the sinking ship. The only good move I made was to screw him before he got me. I went to the courthouse and filed for child support before he left the house. I tried to get spousal support but because I was always the bread winner, I was denied. They wouldn’t even make him pay the mortgage so eventually lost my home.

When money is flowing people can put up with a lot. People can pretend to love you, have sex with you, be your friend; start a business with you, but as soon as you go broke...you better go find Jesus, Mohammed, Buddha or whoever you pray to because nobody on earth will care about yo ass! They have their own problems. Sure everybody will say, let me know if there’s anything I can do. Will you give me some money to pay these bills because that’s all I really need. Will you watch my kids while I work 24 hours a day to provide food and shelter for them? Would you buy my son a pair of sneakers so he doesn’t have to wear the ones with the rundown soles? Will you buy my daughter a pair of sneakers so she doesn’t have to fit her big feet into the too small sneakers? Or would you just talk amongst yourselves about how unfortunate it is about what happened to me.

So, now it is time for the comeback. I have moved south where the housing crisis is not really a crisis. I am attempting to live within my means. I am reaching out for help from those who really do care and I am writing again. I have to do better. I have to feel better about myself and I have to do better for myself and my children. So, I am returning to something that I have always loved doing, writing. I used to make a very good living as a Technical Writer. I hope this blog helps to get me back on top of my game and keeps me and my children from having to live in a shelter. To quote the words of a great southern bell, “As God is my witness, I shall never go hungry again.”

Daddy’s Girl, Mommy’s World.